WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama today announced a new White House task force on the problems of being a menace to South Central while drinking one’s juice in the hood, installing Shawn and Marlon Wayans as its co-chairmen."With this task force, the president gives hope to kids who grew up in the projects like us,” pledged the Wayans Brothers. “We must ensure that these little bitch ass motherfuckers finish school, ‘cause without an education, the only kind of work they’re gonna get is sellin’ drugs, pimpin’ women, or workin’ security for Eddie Murphy.”
The Wayanses set several goals for the task force, including expanding opportunities for education, training, and all kinds of ill shit; bangin’ some fine ass bitches; and turnin’ that loud ass mothafuckin music down so a nigga can crack a book open in peace.
In the feature film from which the task force derives its name, the protagonist, Ashtray, is sent to live with his dad to learn how to be a man. In President Obama’s memoir, Dreams from my Father, he describes how his own relationship with his absentee father shaped his life.
“I know how it is in the hood. In the hood, everybody’s a target,” said Obama. “That is why I have signed a memorandum to create this task force - and why I have asked Shawn and Marlon to lead it. I believe, if we act boldly and swiftly, that in this moment we can work through our differences and make the hood a place where all our dreams can come true."
Obama then rolled a fat-ass joint and smoked it before taking questions from reporters.
“Damn, this is some good shit,” the president remarked, just before Marlon Wayans snatched the blunt right out of his hands.
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